Things You Need: The Office Sleeping Bag

What is this, communist China? Can't a girl get a few hours of sleep during the work day?

OK, OK. Everyone shut-up. This is important. It’s a new product designed by Kawamura Ganjavian, and it’s described as the “pocket pillow for nap.” The concept is fairly straightforward: Simply shove your head into this weird face-and-hand Snuggie and lay down on your desk during an important meeting. Then wait for the bonus dollars to roll on in. Oh, and when you’re not using it for mid-day naps, it could easily double as an oversized onesie for that baby the government is about to take away from you for, you know, being batshit crazy.

Product: Portable Beer Pong Table


Meatheads, Yale-style

The only thing better than absurd drinking paraphernalia is absurd drinking-game paraphernalia, and nothing says “I’m a douchebag” quite like carrying around an inflatable beer pong table. Which is exactly why the $45 Portopong will make the perfect holiday gift for that special frat boy* in your life. As with most alcohol-related products–like the booze belt, another real gem–the Portopong is entirely practical to haul around town, you know, just in case you find yourself back in college. Then again, if you carry both the Portopong and an air mattress around with you at all times, you can play beer pong whenever you want without ever having to worry about where you’re going to pass out afterwards. Order now before the manufacturer jacks up the price due to overwhelming demand. Just kidding.

*Contrary to the scene depicted in the photo, this is obviously not a toy for nerds, but rather for the quarterbacks who torment them. It’s just that that photo was taken at a Yale tailgating party. Go figure.

Crazy Japanese Fun Time Yum Yum Candy Explosion!

Crunky Fun Time!

Regular readers may have noticed my recent obsession with Japanese goods and trends. And while I’ve tried to kick the habit, it’s really an insurmountable task as long as I continue to stumble across products like the Crunky Walking Bar. There’s nothing particularly special about this delicious treat, other than the fact that IT IS CALLED THE CRUNKY WALKING BAR. That is all.

 

 

Product: The Human Vending Machine

Insert Coin Here.

Just when we thought the products coming out of Japan couldn’t get any cooler – or, as the case may be, mind-blowingly useless – we came across the Human Vending Machine. Much to our dismay, no Human Vending Machines could be reached for comment, but evidently, the product is a cross between a vending machine and a newsstand, with the added benefit that, in this case, the vendor happens to be a pretty young girl rather than a smelly old man or a metal contraption. And at the end of the day, when it comes to buying a newspaper or a pack of cigarettes, isn’t that all that really matters?

 

Interview: Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington

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ONCE UPON A TIME, CHESTER BENNINGTON WAS BEST KNOWN AS THE LEAD SINGER OF LINKIN PARK AND THE CO-FOUNDER OF RENOWNED INK SHOP CLUB TATTOO. NO LONGER, AS HE STEPS INTO THE FASHION ARENA WITH THE INTRODUCTION OF A NEW LINE OF ETNIES SNEAKERS INSPIRED BY HIS LOVE FOR MUSIC, SKATEBOARDING AND TATTOOS. I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHAT WITH CHESTER ABOUT HIS LATEST VENTURE, HIS OWN TATS AND THE SOUNDTRACK TO HIS LIFE.  Continue reading

Product: Spray On Condoms

Illustration by Brian Romero for YRB Magazine

As if regular old condoms weren’t already an intrusive (albeit necessary) way to kill the moment, a German company recently developed a whole new way to ruin your sex life. Spray On Condoms are the next big (or small) thing in prophylactics, and while we can’t imagine it would be easier to fit a spray can in your wallet than a Trojan, the new product might prove to be the perfect choice for those seeking to maximize awkwardness in the bedroom. But before all you graff writers let your imaginations run wild, be advised that you don’t simply spray away to your heart’s content. Rather, insert the given organ into the aerosol can, push the button, and presto chango, you’re covered. Literally. According to the Institute for Condom Consultancy (yes, that is indeed a real organization), the new product takes only five seconds to “put on” and will protect you from contracting the clap just as effectively as good old rubbers. The Spray On Condom is still in testing, but is expected to hit stores sometime next year.

WWW.SPRAYKONDOM.DE

(ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN YRB MAGAZINE. COPYRIGHT © 2007)

Product: Million Dollar Celly

Walking around with a chip on your shoulder because you have the dopest new celly on the block? Now you can hang your head in shame for having bought that Sidekick 3, Motorola Q, or LG Chocolate phone, because you should have copped Le Million Pièce Unique, the latest release from Geneva-based GoldVish Luxury Communications. The limited edition, 120-karat phone is assembled using 140 grams of solid gold, while the buttons and other details are finished with VVS1 top-quality diamonds. Oh yeah – it’s also criminally expensive, at a whopping one million dollars. So rock some protective eyewear to avoid being blinded by jewels and be careful if you plan to get blackout drunk – this is one phone that is just begging to be left in the backseat of a cab.
WWW.GOLDVISH.COM
(ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN YRB MAGAZINE. COPYRIGHT © 2007)

 

Product: The Business Bib

Video chatting in the half-suit

Part of the appeal of working from home has always been that pants are optional. But with new technologies like webcams and video-conferencing, it’s becoming difficult to rock comfortable gear to the home office. That’s why the aptly named company Business Bibs has created a new product for those who want to appear professional without actually having to be professional. Seated in front of your webcam, the halfsuit allows you to look sharp and presentable to anyone who has you on telecast, even if you’re really rocking boxers on the low.
WWW.BUSINESSBIB.COM

(ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN YRB MAGAZINE. COPYRIGHT © 2007)

Shopping: Jewcy Couture

Dust off the menorah and get ready for Bubbe’s homemade latkes, because Chanukah is just weeks away. And now the Chosen People have their very own online marketplace: Jewcy.com. Naturally, as members of the media we are also Jews, but even shikses will adore a pair of undies that say “A Great Miracle Happened Here,” or the Jewcy signature tee (available exclusively through their website), which depicts an Orthodox Jew playing double dutch with several little black girls – how precious! Other offerings include everything from tchotchkes like the Moses action figure – after all, he is the original superhero – to a Yiddish translation of Curious George. Trust us: Everyone wants a Chanukah gift from Jewcy – even your mom, who still wishes you’d settle down and marry a nice Jewish girl/doctor already.

WWW.JEWCY.COM

(A VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN YRB MAGAZINE COPYRIGHT © 2007)

Product: p.i.n.k. Vodka

Way back when, you could simply head to a bar, order a vodka on the rocks and call it a wrap. But these days, there are so many different liquor choices it’s enough to make your head spin even before you’ve had a drink. Thanks to new p.i.n.k.-brand vodka, now you can have your 80-proof, super-premium vodka and drink it, too. Sip it straight,or test out such original recipes as “p.i.n.k. My Ride.” Not only does p.i.n.k. Vodka claim to be the “world’s perfect party spirit,” but it’s also infused with caffeine and guarana, so you can ditch the Red Bull mixer, or other, um, “means” of staying energized all night.

WWW.PERFECTPARTYSPIRIT.COM

(A VERSION OF THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN YRB MAGAZINE COPYRIGHT © 2006)

Product: Bong Vodka

Whether spilled or swigged, nothing sucks more than getting too close to dirty bong water; even if it’s that same grimy, brown, bacteria-filled water that sets the bong apart from other, less refined methods of toking up. But thanks to musician/designer/artist Jimi Beach, now there’s finally a way to drink from a bong without gagging: fill it with premium vodka. Produced in Holland, Bong Spirit Vodka is sure to be a big hit – at least until it becomes legal to import, umm, other things from the Netherlands.

WWW.THEINVODKA.COM

(ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN YRB MAGAZINE COPYRIGHT © 2006)