Gifts – Justine Goodman

Meatheads, Yale-style

The only thing better than absurd drinking paraphernalia is absurd drinking-game paraphernalia, and nothing says “I’m a douchebag” quite like carrying around an inflatable beer pong table. Which is exactly why the $45 Portopong will make the perfect holiday gift for that special frat boy* in your life. As with most alcohol-related products–like the booze belt, another real gem–the Portopong is entirely practical to haul around town, you know, just in case you find yourself back in college. Then again, if you carry both the Portopong and an air mattress around with you at all times, you can play beer pong whenever you want without ever having to worry about where you’re going to pass out afterwards. Order now before the manufacturer jacks up the price due to overwhelming demand. Just kidding.

*Contrary to the scene depicted in the photo, this is obviously not a toy for nerds, but rather for the quarterbacks who torment them. It’s just that that photo was taken at a Yale tailgating party. Go figure.

Dust off the menorah and get ready for Bubbe’s homemade latkes, because Chanukah is just weeks away. And now the Chosen People have their very own online marketplace: Jewcy.com. Naturally, as members of the media we are also Jews, but even shikses will adore a pair of undies that say “A Great Miracle Happened Here,” or the Jewcy signature tee (available exclusively through their website), which depicts an Orthodox Jew playing double dutch with several little black girls – how precious! Other offerings include everything from tchotchkes like the Moses action figure – after all, he is the original superhero – to a Yiddish translation of Curious George. Trust us: Everyone wants a Chanukah gift from Jewcy – even your mom, who still wishes you’d settle down and marry a nice Jewish girl/doctor already.