Oh, Snap! Equinox vs. The Catholic League

February 8, 2008January 16, 2011Leave a comment

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Evidently The Catholic League is none too pleased about Equinox‘s latest ad campaign, which depicts a series of sexy, fairytale-esque scenes shot by Ellen von Unwerth. In particular, they take issue with the hot nuns with exposed legs sketching the hot naked dude with exposed everything. The ads aren’t in rotation in New York yet, but will be making their city-wide debut forthwith. In the meantime, Equinox is more than happy to exacerbate the situation by giving New Yorkers a sneak peek of what it has in store for our local magazines, billboards, and subways by displaying the new ads in the windows at three of their locations (50th Street, 19th Street and Greenwich Avenue), from now through Friday.

I belong to one of Equinox’s competitors, so I can’t say I know for sure what their clientele is like. But I can say that my gym is filled with fatties and old people, and if I ever once had to look at someone like the models above while “running” my 12-minute mile, I’d either kill myself or kill them. To be fair though, while these ads don’t necessarily make me want to join Equinox (or ever leave my apartment again, for that matter), they do make me want to join a convent and take up sketching.

Product: Portable Beer Pong Table

December 5, 2007January 15, 2011Leave a comment

Meatheads, Yale-style

The only thing better than absurd drinking paraphernalia is absurd drinking-game paraphernalia, and nothing says “I’m a douchebag” quite like carrying around an inflatable beer pong table. Which is exactly why the $45 Portopong will make the perfect holiday gift for that special frat boy* in your life. As with most alcohol-related products–like the booze belt, another real gem–the Portopong is entirely practical to haul around town, you know, just in case you find yourself back in college. Then again, if you carry both the Portopong and an air mattress around with you at all times, you can play beer pong whenever you want without ever having to worry about where you’re going to pass out afterwards. Order now before the manufacturer jacks up the price due to overwhelming demand. Just kidding.

*Contrary to the scene depicted in the photo, this is obviously not a toy for nerds, but rather for the quarterbacks who torment them. It’s just that that photo was taken at a Yale tailgating party. Go figure.

Crazy Japanese Fun Time Yum Yum Candy Explosion!

March 27, 2007January 5, 2011Leave a comment

Crunky Fun Time!

Regular readers may have noticed my recent obsession with Japanese goods and trends. And while I’ve tried to kick the habit, it’s really an insurmountable task as long as I continue to stumble across products like the Crunky Walking Bar. There’s nothing particularly special about this delicious treat, other than the fact that IT IS CALLED THE CRUNKY WALKING BAR. That is all.

15 Seconds of Lame: SearchWithKevin.Org

March 27, 2007November 21, 2010Leave a comment

Photo courtesy of the Kevin Federline fan club (Yes, there really is a Kevin Federline fan club)

Step aside, Google. There’s a new search engine in town, a special search engine, one endorsed by a celebrity. Now, you’re probably wondering, “Is it James Earl Jones? Or Kelsey Grammer, perhaps?” Guess again. SearchWithKevin.com is the official brainchild (hey, at least it’s not another real child) of Hollywood Z-Lister Kevin Federline. It makes sense, really, because who but K-Fed possesses the authoritative, commanding, trustworthy persona to successfully launch a site designed to be a viable alternative to Google? Kevin, we’ve gotta hand it to you – the fact that you actually thought this would be a good business venture is kind of adorable, and it almost makes us like you (where by “adorable” we mean “unbelievably idiotic” and by “almost makes us like you” we mean “definitely makes us hate you”).

WWW.SEARCHWITHKEVIN.PRODEGE.ORG

Product: The Human Vending Machine

March 27, 2007January 5, 2011Leave a comment

Insert Coin Here.

Just when we thought the products coming out of Japan couldn’t get any cooler – or, as the case may be, mind-blowingly useless – we came across the Human Vending Machine. Much to our dismay, no Human Vending Machines could be reached for comment, but evidently, the product is a cross between a vending machine and a newsstand, with the added benefit that, in this case, the vendor happens to be a pretty young girl rather than a smelly old man or a metal contraption. And at the end of the day, when it comes to buying a newspaper or a pack of cigarettes, isn’t that all that really matters?

Super Size Me: Hamburger University

March 26, 2007January 6, 2011Leave a comment

Illustration by Brian Romero for YRB Magazine

In the days of old, if your greatest aspiration in life was to work behind the counter at your local fast food restaurant, all you needed was a basic grasp of 6th grade arithmetic. But what if you want to aim higher, and say, work your way up the line to a management position at McDonald’s? Then you’d better think about applying to college. And not just any college: Hamburger University, or, “McDonald’s Center of Training Excellence.” Since 1961, Hamburger University in Oak Brook, Illinois has been serving up more than tasty Big Macs – a super-sized order of education is also standard fare. HU boasts on-site interpreters able to communicate in 28 languages with the 5,000 members of its diverse student body, and a curriculum that features a combination of intensive classroom instruction, “lab” activities, and so-called “computer e-learning modules.” Hamburger University: It’s like Yale meets the United Nations. (Except that it’s not at all like Yale. Or the United Nations.)

Product: The Business Bib

February 12, 2007December 14, 2010Leave a comment

Video chatting in the half-suit

Part of the appeal of working from home has always been that pants are optional. But with new technologies like webcams and video-conferencing, it’s becoming difficult to rock comfortable gear to the home office. That’s why the aptly named company Business Bibs has created a new product for those who want to appear professional without actually having to be professional. Seated in front of your webcam, the halfsuit allows you to look sharp and presentable to anyone who has you on telecast, even if you’re really rocking boxers on the low.
WWW.BUSINESSBIB.COM

(ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN YRB MAGAZINE. COPYRIGHT © 2007)