Thank god for alcohol, without which no one would ever have gotten laid–least of all that snaggletoothed disaster sitting at the bar. But after a few car bombs, she starts to look pretty good, and soon it’s off to your place. But not every New York bar is conducive to meeting Mr. or Ms. Right Now. Where to go when you’re on the market for a good old-fashioned, no-strings-attached one-night stand? These six bars, where the pretenses are low and the odds of scoring are high. Continue reading
Thirty-year-old frat boys who confuse Murray Hill with Sigma Chi. Hedge fund douche bags who refer to the Hamptons as “The ‘Tones.” Brainless girls in Jessica Simpson brand stilettos who are about 20 pounds too heavy for that dress. Staten Islanders. These are a few of my least favorite things. And you can find them all at these five bars. Continue reading
It’s nearly mid-March, which means that if you’re a college student, you’re probably getting ready to spend a week with 10 other hoodlums, holed up in some beachside shanty, soaking up moderate quantities of sun and lethal quantities of booze, in honor of that great American pastime known as spring break. Well, guess what: Even if your undergraduate years are over, you needn’t dip to Tijuana to partake in the sort of lewd, depraved behavior pictured above. There are plenty of bars where
even the most respectable professionals you can experience the thrills of spring break–from the alcohol poisoning to the scantily clad girls–right here on the Isle of Manhattan. Here they are.
As if regular old condoms weren’t already an intrusive (albeit necessary) way to kill the moment, a German company recently developed a whole new way to ruin your sex life. Spray On Condoms are the next big (or small) thing in prophylactics, and while we can’t imagine it would be easier to fit a spray can in your wallet than a Trojan, the new product might prove to be the perfect choice for those seeking to maximize awkwardness in the bedroom. But before all you graff writers let your imaginations run wild, be advised that you don’t simply spray away to your heart’s content. Rather, insert the given organ into the aerosol can, push the button, and presto chango, you’re covered. Literally. According to the Institute for Condom Consultancy (yes, that is indeed a real organization), the new product takes only five seconds to “put on” and will protect you from contracting the clap just as effectively as good old rubbers. The Spray On Condom is still in testing, but is expected to hit stores sometime next year.
(ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN YRB MAGAZINE. COPYRIGHT © 2007)