Thank god for alcohol, without which no one would ever have gotten laid–least of all that snaggletoothed disaster sitting at the bar. But after a few car bombs, she starts to look pretty good, and soon it’s off to your place. But not every New York bar is conducive to meeting Mr. or Ms. Right Now. Where to go when you’re on the market for a good old-fashioned, no-strings-attached one-night stand? These six bars, where the pretenses are low and the odds of scoring are high.
Dorrian’s: There’s a reason why the notorious Preppy Killer selected his victim at Dorrian’s: It’s easy to get a girl to leave with you. I don’t know whether it’s the stench of Burberry cologne on the dudes or the blinding Lily Pulitzer yellows on the girls, but something about Club D makes everyone want to do really depraved things with a stranger.
Southside: Are you in the market for a one-night stand, preferably one that involves a fake socialite with a real eating disorder? You’re in luck, because overpriced drinks are only one of the things Southside is peddling; guaranteed anonymous hookups are the other.
Union Pool: Just because you have an ironic moustache doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to get laid (or does it?). Regardless, when hipsters get lonely, they head to Williamsburg’s most notorious pickup bar to drink heavily and go home with other misbegotten artists (read: bartenders), and then spend the next week trolling the Craigslist “Missed Connections” archives for posts about themselves.
The Anchor: Here are some words that come to mind when I think about this Soho spot: Boozy. Sloppy. Sweaty. Crowded. Incidentally, the same words could be used to describe the kind of sexual encounters that tend to result from a long night of drinking at The Anchor–except, perhaps, crowded. Unless you’re into that sort of thing.
No Malice Palace: Don’t let the post-12am line outside fool you: This is a dirty dive bar, through and through. And it’s packed with drunken 20-somethings looking to relive their college days by making questionable decisions in someone else’s bedroom. If that happens to end with a walk of shame circa 10am, everyone’s a winner.
Botanica Bar: This hip Lower East Side bar has been helping New Yorkers get laid for years, thanks to super cheap drinks and good music that’s just loud enough to discourage excessive getting-to-know-you conversation. Stick the basics–what’s your name, where do you live, is it contagious–then book it to her place.
(A version of this article originally appeared on Citysearch.com)